sex-advice-f

Sex Advice: The incestuous call center

sex-advice-dLife is shit and I’m confused. A few months ago, my girlfriend made out with a colleague of hers at an office party (it was just a snog at the club where they ended up. I’m 100% sure.)
So okay, our relationship hasn’t been going through a good moment, and between one thing and another, she made this slip (I don’t want to dignify it with another word; what happened happened and that’s it.) In the months since, we haven’t been able to improve our relationship and it’s been getting colder and colder.

But the thing which confuses me the most is, the dick she made out with knows that she’s in a relationship, and knows that her boyfriend works in the same office. How could he do something like that?! Not just that, his girlfriend also works at the same office. So all four of us work at the same office. Thank god it’s so big we don’t see each other every day.

The fourth person, the dick’s girlfriend, doesn’t know what happened. I fantasise about telling her (always in a sympathetic tone) everything her dick of a boyfriend has done. I think about it from the moment I wake up and all through the day. It’s veeeerrrry confusing! Should I tell her?

– Confused

Dear Confused,

So, am I allowed to guess which incestuous call center you all work at? No? Fine. Then I’ll just point out that what you seem to be asking is the least relevant question in this entire situation. Other, dare I say more interesting and relevant questions, off the top of my head, could be:
– What led my girlfriend to make out with another man? Why is she looking for her ‘feel good’ outside of our relationship?
– Why have things gotten colder since the incident?
– Do we both want to save this relationship, and if we do, what can we do to try and reconnect?
– If we don’t want to save the relationship: will our friends choose her instead of me because she’s more fun to hang out with? And who gets our last remaining good non-stick pan? Should I hide this pan before having the break-up chat? I was the one who bought it after all…

Where can I meet girls?
– Jojo

Hey Jojo,

This sounds like a question for the Bcn Mes Fuckus Group.
Respondent 1: Gay clubs. There will always be plenty of women there, and he will be one of the very few straight guys. Other than that Ventu, Apolo, Kentucky, y’know, the end-of-the-night places.
Respondent 2: Depends what he wants. Bars or Tinder for fucking, and meetups for serious dating.
Respondent 1: Hey, gay clubs for serious dating. I’m telling you, I know marriages from those places. What can be more serious than marriage?!
Respondent 3: Cuitadella Park, but he needs to play la guitarra or show another talent, something to get an audience.
Respondent 4: Like shirtless slacklining.
Respondent 3: Oooo yes!
Respondent 4: But do you ever actually talk to those guys?
Respondent 3: Err no… just stare at them over the top of my book…
Respondent 2: Dance classes, if he likes dancing, or is willing to tolerate it for the sake of meeting girls. There are always way more women than men at these things.
Respondent 3: Plus, you’re obligated to change partners multiple times. Even if you have one ‘official’ partner, really you get to dance with everybody.
Respondent 1: It’s like a metaphor for life.
To balance the gender opinion, I also asked guys for the best places they went to meet women.
Every single man I spoke to: Bar.

I hooked up with a girl last weekend, and afterwards I wanted to sleep but she told me she was going out to party. I asked her why. She said she didn’t want to go home. She didn’t even have a shower before leaving. She just went out with my spunk still inside her. She looked like a nice girl, which is why I spoke to her and then we hooked up. But it looks like she went out to find another fuck on the same night. This double fucking is more common than we realise, and it’s not just the slutty looking girls who act like this, everybody screws everybody.

I talked to my friends, and some of them think it’s normal. For me, it’s an indication of why our society is so fucked up: people are selfish and just want to satisfy their own pleasure and never think about anyone else.

Before you say something like she must have left because I didn’t fuck her well etc., it isn’t okay. The sex was great and she came.
– Gone To The Dogs

Dear Gone To The Dogs,

You hooked up with someone and had unprotected sex with her? And she’s a multiple partner kinda girl? And you came inside?
Please, take a moment from pondering the problems of society and the imminent downfall of Sodom and Gomorrah to visit your doctor and schedule a blood test. Tell her everything and plead with her to screen you for every goddamn thing under the sun. Oh yeah, and you need to wait three months before you can do this, because the big boys like HIV and hepatitis take time to manifest.
¡¡¿¿EN SERIO TÍO??!!
As to your question: sometimes people want things which we are unable to provide. It’s part of the human condition. Get over it.

Written By
More from Prithika Nair

Sex Advice | Avoid anything that runs a string through your butt crack!

Hi Prithika, I’ve wanted to learn to play the guitar for a...
Read More

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *