So you’ve built the product. You went to the gym. You said no to that last chocolate croissant. You learnt to play the guitar. You may even have gotten yourself an impressive job. And you’ve picked sufficient social skills to fake an interest in another person for one night. You’re marketing has been fine-tuned, only the best photographs are up on your profile and you’ve perfected the right mix of funny, flattering text-flirting. Yet, weekend after weekend, your product sits on the shelf, gathering dust.You match and then get unmatched. You exchange a few texts and then get silence. You suggest meeting up and get dropped like that famous potato. You meet up, have a great time and never get called back. “What happened? Why don’t they like me?” the anguished cries go out. Teeth are gnashed, hands are wrung and the insecurity spiral is ridden all the way to the murky bottom.
You ask your Tinder focus group what’s going wrong. The good news is, it’s not always you.
According to the ladies, the main reasons they’ve not pursued a Tinder contact are:A hotter match replied.
They got drunk and slept with a colleague at the last work outing and are now too busy conducting a torrid office affair in the photocopy room and behind canteen vending machines to reply to messages on Tinder.
The guy sent them 20 messages in one day on a sliding scale of neediness, starting at ‘Hey, what’s up?’ and eventually ending on ‘If you don’t have feelings for me just tell me now and don’t leave me hanging, please! You promised you’d think about meeting me one day!’
They got on Tinder to get over an ex and the ex has now charmed them back to the dark and inevitably doomed side.
Sexual frustration had lowered their expectations the night they’d swiped you right.
Someone lent them a really good book.
Unlike you, Paco isn’t working at the moment and was able to meet her on Wednesday afternoon. By the time your date on Friday arrived, it was too late. She was in love with Paco.
According to the men, the main reasons they’ve not pursued a Tinder contact are:A hotter match replied.
Their girlfriend found out that Tinder wasn’t “just another Meetup app”, and forced them to delete it.
They got drunk, slept with the friend they’ve been lusting after for years, found there was no sexual chemistry, now find it too awkward to quit, and are engaged in an affair that makes the formerly plutonic friendship look like the golden age.
Angela from the Body Pump class smiled at them yesterday.
Their flatmate bought a Play Station.
A girl sent them 20 messages in one day beginning with ‘Hey, what’s up?’ and ending on ‘If you’re not serious about our relationship just tell me now, please! You said you loved… the thought of meeting me one day!’
They got on Tinder to make an ex jealous but ended up crying in a corner after coming across her profile’s pouty bikini shots.
They met this girl in a bar who was totally up for it and didn’t need time-intensive texting foreplay. So don’t feel too bad if you seem to be striking out. Think of Tinder as La Boqueria and yourself as one of the stallholders. Half of the people who walk by are tourists who have only come to gawp. If your product is eye-catching they may swipe right and take a picture, but then they’ll move on. Also, take into account that some shoppers want to check out all the stalls before they commit, and in that process may find a better product. That, or they’ll find a cheaper product at another stall with fewer conditions and baggage attached to the sale.
Don’t take it personally – the stallholders don’t as they watch you pass them by – and always remember that Tinder is a meat market. Take that heart off the shelf and save it for a more appropriate platform: Consider yourself a vegan vixen? Check out greensingles.com. Past your prime but love to get naked and swim with the dolphins? Have a closer look at 40plus-green-singles.com. Big Star Trek fan? Take it to nerdpassions.com. Dream of being a writer and having sex one day? Take it to singlewriters.com. Former alcoholic? Visit loveinrecovery.com. Life gets too hard to take sometimes? Hit depression.dating.com.
There, feel better?